Life's too
short to waste it in endless anxiety.
Growing up,
the happiness we took for granted as children gets overshadowed by adult
worries, from money to mortgages and thinking too much about everything.
At the same
time, we demand more in the name of having fun. Stomping in puddles or writing
to a pen pal lose the appeal they once held, and instead we want the
big moments; the expensive holiday, the perfect proposal, the house with
the French doors and garden.
And the
irony is, our demands - some material, others out of our control (wanting
children, for instance) - hold us captive to a happiness that is forever
elusive. Instead, in our endless quest, we become governed by feelings of
exhaustion and inadequacy.
We need to
reclaim that sense of impulsive pleasure that went hand-in-hand with childhood.
Here are five simple ways to have more fun and enjoy life, without the
requisite fireworks of angst and entitlement:
WONDER AT THE SMALL THINGS
American
writer Kurt Vonnegut once declared, "Enjoy the little things in
life because one day you'll look back and realize they were the big
things". Life is full of moments of beauty, kindness and triumph that
we usually fail to notice because we're so wrapped up in our own concerns.
Think of
your average morning routine. It's not the happiest time on the face of it but
for every person that shoves past you, there's someone else who holds the lift
door open. That pinkish morning sky you can glimpse from the 68 bus is enough
to send your spirits soaring (albeit temporarily), as is the first whiff of
freshly-blended coffee or the colleague who complements you on your new coat.
"We’re
often bombarded with messages that admonish us: 'think big,' 'go for the
gold,' 'climb the ladder of success,'" says psychologist Dr. Linda Sapadin. "[But] if you neglect to
enjoy these little things, what are you left with? It’s the daily struggles,
the disappointments and the disasters that plop on our doorsteps when we least
expect it. Each day, pay attention to at least one or two moments
that worked out well for you."
EMBRACE PURPOSELESS PLAY
As adults,
we tend to dismiss all but competitive forms of play. But psychologists have
found that the art of traditional play - being silly, losing yourself in the
moment and engaging in something pointless but pleasurable - is vital to fostering
relationships and maintaining a sense of well-being.
"Play
is something done for its own sake," says psychiatrist Dr. Stuart
Brown, head of the US non-profit the National Institute of Play. "It's voluntary, it's
pleasurable, it offers a sense of engagement, it takes you out of time. And the
act itself is more important than the outcome."
He compares
it to oxygen, in that "... it’s all around us, yet goes mostly
unnoticed or unappreciated until it is missing".
"What
you begin to see when there's major play deprivation in an otherwise competent
adult is that they're not much fun to be around," he explains. "You
begin to see that the perseverance and joy in work is lessened and that life is
much more laborious."
The
takeaway message? Embrace every opportunity to be playful and silly, just for
the sake of it. Remind yourself of the games you enjoyed as a child and
work out how you can re-create those experiences (a process known as "taking a play history"), surround yourself with
playful people and introduce forms of play - such as pillow fights or reading
aloud to someone - into your daily life.
DON'T STRIVE FOR PERFECTION
Logically,
we know that perfection is a myth and yet that doesn't stop us striving for it.
We hold ourselves up to impossible standards, trying to be funnier,
younger-looking, smarter and fitter.
Not only is
this quest exhausting, it can also fuel an obsession that borders on
neuroticism; because we decide what constitutes "perfect", we
can constantly move the goal posts.
"Obsession
is always a fixation - a freezing-over of the personality so that it
becomes not a living being but something fixed, like a piece of sculpture,
locked into a complex," says Marion Woodman, author of Addiction To Perfection. "To move toward perfection is
to move out of life, or what is worse, never to enter it."
Banish
perfection from your mind and life and instead accept that the bad comes with
the good, and whatever you do is good enough.
GO WITH THE FLOW
Psychologist
Mihaly Csikszentmihaly coined the term "flow" to explain a peak
moment of consciousness when we are so engaged in what we are doing, we lose
all sense of time amid a state of deep enjoyment and satisfaction.
"You
may know this state by other names: runner’s high, being in the zone, being
unconscious, being in the pocket, the forever box - and on and on. The
lingo is endless,"says author and journalist
Steven Kotler.
"The experience unforgettable.
"In
flow, our attention is so laser-focused that all else falls away. Action and
awareness merge. Times flies. Self vanishes. And all aspects of performance go
through the roof."
The key to
this act is simple: chose something you really love doing but that is also
a challenge, whether that's creating pottery, training for a marathon or
learning to play the piano.
Set
yourself a goal, give yourself a clear space of time without any interruptions
to achieve it in, and focus on the enjoyment of the process. All this can
achieve a state of flow which has been linked to greater self-esteem, confidence,
happiness and life satisfaction.
LIVE IN THE
PRESENT - DON'T OVERTHINK
By the time
we're adults, we've accrued life experience and a past that acts as a barrier
between us and a carefree childhood.
Because of
this, we've a much stronger tendency to over-think things and worry about
either what has happened, or what might.
"It’s
not until you are older and full of regrets, unwanted memories and painful
experiences that you realize your greatest enemy is your mind and it’s ability
to conjure up the past. Why is it that when you’re alone, usually in the
darkest hours of your restlessness, that your mind decides to wander to those
untouched corners?" says Lauren Martin, wellness writer for EliteDaily.com.
"Well,
someone once told me in a state of my own sorrow and agony that, 'the only
thing that makes it a thing is that you keep thinking about it'. It was a
simple phrase, one that doesn’t seem to have much weight to it, but it changed
everything for me."
Over-thinking
stops you from enjoying the present and keeps you stuck in a particular problem
until you stop thinking about it. You forget about the here and now, because
you become consumed by your thoughts, which only gets worse the longer you
dwell on them. It's a process that leads to anger, indecision and self-doubt in
the face of the negative future state your mind has concocted.
If you
spend too much time over-thinking you need to detox your mind via a range of methods,
from concentrating on a goal or
project to exercising more or practicing mindfulness.
"When
you break up with over-thinking it's like writing your own 'get out of jail
free' card," says life coach Peggy Nolan. "It doesn't cost you
anything to end your relationship with the drama inside your head. You can
decide to focus on things in the present that are deserving of your time and
attention whenever you choose. The here and now is calling... will you
answer?"
From Stylist.co.uk
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